You don't need to wait for any set of reasons to be exuberantly happy, unstoppably confident, or phenomenally successful - you can just DECIDE exactly what you want to feel and start feeling it this second - for no reason other than you are alive...
Beautiful friends - these guidelines are to be used with my last speech on switching out of troubling emotions instantly. By recognizing the "negative" emotion; determining if your perception is correct or not and then using the appropriate action signal you will have, G-d willing, immediate relief. Without the lecture, the list won't make much sense. Anyway, here it is:
Action Triggers for 10 Emotions
of negative emotions in one second (change state)
Message; what’s the message?
action with the new information
Categories of Emotion and what they signal
1.Discomfort – Signal
from Hashem to just change state to any pleasant resource state
2.Fear – Signal from
Hashem to get prepared and have Faith
3.Hurt – Signal from
Hashem to counteract loss or perceived loss with connectedness
4.Anger – Signal
from Hashem that One or more of your “rules” were violated
Signal from Hashem you need a more flexible approach
– Signal from Hashem to Change your expectations / time-frame
7.Guilt / Regret –
Signal from Hashem you violated one of your own standards / become a better
Signal from Hashem to become better at something
– Signal from Hashem to write down a necessity list and desire list. Put
desires aside and rank order necessities. Then do something right away on the
first necessity on your list 10. Loneliness – Get
connected / people / good memories / cause / your good points / Hashem / Torah
One of my favorite memories was leaving home at 16. I wasn’t happy for a long time before that -- but the second my father threw a punch and told me to “get out” my mind was made up. The moment that I saw his fist go through our wall, I knew I was leaving. He was a good father in so many ways and I’m grateful to him for more things that I can list here—but what I am most grateful for, and what I review, now, almost every morning when I wake up, is how he taught me to not be like him and how he taught me that I could never get what I needed from him. I didn’t always know G-d’s light was hidden in pain. I didn’t always know that trauma wasn’t just happening to me but that it was happening for me—but, thank G-d, I know it now.
The whole course of my life changed with that decision because in its wake I’ve been forced to make a lot more good decisions that have built me into the man who I am proud to be today. I was forced to decide that I will never hit my kids—no matter what, and that I was not going to put my family through what I had to go through. It took time for me to conquer my own rage and wish to lash out, but the necessity to do that brought G-d into my life. I was forced to live a spiritual life and to forsake material comforts. I was forced to live in Israel. Only my pain was strong enough to move me to what I had to do with my life.
Scientists who study gratitude and thankfulness are proving that people who see life as a gift and who have a sustained feeling of appreciation for what they have are living longer with greater health, happiness, and success—but why?
What is it about feeling grateful that causes people to live more vital, energetic, enthusiastic and successful lives? How can simply saying “thanks” for the blessings we are “granted” (instead of taking them for granted) improve children’s grade point averages, improve sleep by 30%, and reduce blood pressure and heart attacks? What makes the emotion of gratitude so special, that those who possess it have better marriages than those who don’t? Hint: gratitude is an emotion that not only makes you feel good, but it also leads you to want to do good.
To begin to understand the great benefits that grateful people enjoy, we need to have a clear definition of what gratitude really is in contrast to its opposite—ingratitude. A clear definition is, in itself, a powerful tool. My definition of gratitude: A relationship-strengthening good feeling stemming from you having been granted something of value from G-d from which you have benefited. It is a person’s choice to remember to see everything in life as a gift that was somehow lovingly bestowed upon him by the Master of the Universe.
Why is gratitude a relationship-strengthening emotion? It’s because when we thank G-d for the blessings that He sends us, either directly or through others, we are strengthening our relationship to Him and the other people or institutions through which G-d sends us benefits. We are acknowledging G-d as the primary ultimate “giver” and ourselves as the humble receivers of his Goodness. When we say “thank you” to G-d we are actualizing our primary purpose which is to come closer to Him. By thanking Him we are also honoring G-d. When we honor G-d we are acknowledging his Greatness, Superiority and total authority over us. With our “thanks” and appreciation of what G-d does for us, we actually “elevate” and reveal more of G-d in the world—another common mission for which we were all created.
One of the greatest gifts of feeling grateful is that it protects us against feeling ungrateful which leads people into all kinds of negative emotions and sins. The arrogant ungrateful person doesn’t acknowledge G-d and so he doesn’t have to thank G-d for anything. He either doesn’t acknowledge G-d’s existence or even if he does, his arrogance causes him to forget G-d most of the time. This leads to complaining, resentment, anger, sadness, greed, bitterness and the many sins that these negative emotions give rise to. Gratitude has to do with memory—it’s about remembering to say “thank you” to G-d.
Next week I’ll be writing more about how we can remember to see life as a gift. I’ll be giving you a sampling of the strategies and tips that are helping so many others. Here’s one example: Continue reading here...