Thursday, January 2, 2014

Bully Busters

The following guidelines apply for all bullies except those who have stooped to outright physical violence – but don’t worry we have even stronger Spiritual weapons to use with these types.
The Five Cardinal “Don’ts”
1. Never speak to a bully. It is no more possible to reason or negotiate with evil than it is to get through to a person whose brain has been fried by alcohol or narcotics.  There is no discussion that is possible with these types, because bullies perceive such conversation as a sign of weakness and are only strengthened in their resolve to do further damage. Speak to a competent Rabbi to know when it is necessary to speak up, take a counter-stand or actively protect someone’s  good name.
2. Don’t think about a bully. Some people although they don’t speak with the bully continue to ruminate about him; they re-play the abusive messages or obsessively re-read his letters. They justify this behavior as necessary in order to understand the bully’s motives and plan a counter-attack.  This is also not helpful because it exposes one to the spiritual impurity of the bully. The moment that we try to untangle the motives of an impure mind we can, G-d forbid, become infected even without knowing it at first.  But “…you can always begin to conquer the evil and bitter thoughts which harass you, because their power over you (only) derives from sadness and downheartedness. Just ignore such negative thoughts as best you can, given the situation, and do not allow them to take hold of you at all. Do not be intimidated by them and never fear them!” (Reb Nosen of Breslev, Letter # 404)
3. Reality is Hidden. There is nothingin this lowest of worlds that is what it actually looks like to our limited vision. Everything here is “vanity of vanities, a mere puff of smoke.” If we were lent the eyes of a True Tzaddik, for even a few seconds, the cruelty and injustice that we see in this world would instantly turn to a completely changed and understandable  landscape.
4. Don’t take revenge. It’s natural to want to take revenge against a bully by plotting to avenge him. But this is a favorite trick of the Evil Inclination. First of all, this causes one to violate rule number two because it’s not possible to think of a revenge strategy without thinkingabout the Evil One himself.  Remember the Angel’s warning to Lot and his wife while they were leaving Sodom, “Don’t look back.”  If you follow these guidelines, you too will be escorted to freedom by your own Guardian Angels far from the filthy and perverse “world” of Sodom. Retaliation by way of the legal system is also usually a weak method, because verbal abuse is difficult to prove and bullies like Harold just ignore court orders of protection. Unfortunately, the U.S constitution is being used to protect the ‘freedom of speech’ of emotional terrorists. When a bully gets arrested, it usually won’t deter him, it might even make him feel more important to see his name in the newspaper or on television. There is never a need to be angry and retaliate against bullies. The rewards for someone who is insulted and remains silent are very great because by remaining silent he minimizes his own honor and enhances  G-d's honor . This raises a person to the highest levels. (Likutey Moharan, Part I, Lesson #6)
5. Never Fear a Bully. Rabbi Brody explained to me how in the upper Spiritual Worlds, ones fear of an emotional terrorist can actually strengthen the forces of Evil. This is because the terrorist draws his “strength” from those forces of Evil. But don’t worry, even here we can be empowered by remembering a simple Truth. In actuality, there are no bullies! People like Harold don’t even exist. Since they have forfeited  their humanity they are merely physical representations and manifestations of the Evil Inclination. Having lost their Spiritual existence, they are simply being controlled and used like pawns by the Evil Inclination as the following amazing story illustrates...Continue reading right here...