Wednesday, May 13, 2015

The Power of Truth

Donny has a marriage where his wife already has one foot out of the door. She's already made a number of visits to the Judge of the rabbinical court to discuss initiating a divorce. She loves and cherishes her husband, but he's just been so hard to live with, that she doesn't know what to do with herself anymore. She's by no means perfect, but her husband has really made some big mistakes.

One of his main mistakes is that he doesn't communicate properly with his wife. He bought a new business, and he put everything he had into it, but unfortunately it just hasn’t gone well financially. And, instead of talking about what’s happening, Donny is responding to the stress by hiding from everyone - his vendors, his creditors, his customers, and his WIFE - he's stonewalling them all. His wife emails him and texts him and calls him, and he simply doesn’t respond. He justifies his behavior by telling himself that his wife doesn't understand all the pressure he's under. How is she going to help him, if she doesn't even know what's happening in the business, and why he's so stressed in the first place? Better that he should not waste time trying to explain everything to his wife and just keep his nose to the grindstone.

But Donny’s been stonewalling his wife for a while now, and trying to avoid discussions about their finances, and at the same time Donny has been scaling down the amount he gives her to spend. This is when things really blew up and caused open warfare. He's reached the end of his options. He and his wife have already done the rounds of marital therapists; his wife even left once already so he knows it could happen again, any day.

Donny knows that if his wife leaves, this time it could be for good, and if she gets remarried, and his kids end up being raised by another man, he doesn’t know if he could live himself. But he doesn't know what to do to prevent this from happening, so he's completely desperate, and that blessed desperation is what brought him to my door.

At this stage in the game, there is no time to lose. I had to give him the unvarnished truth: "the Torah says that a husband has to provide for his wife and kids. Donny, you agreed to that condition when you signed your marriage contract! Even if she wants a lot of money every month, and you say: “we don't have it! I have bills to pay, and you're going to make us go bankrupt!” If she insists that she needs the money to pay for clothes and toys and lessons for the kids, you have to find a way to meet her needs."

He tells me: “She's doing me in! She has no idea of the value of money. They want to close my business down, and my wife is still asking me for huge sums of money?” Continue here...

Wishing you every blessing,
Dr. Zev Ballen

Dr. Zev Ballen